Letter from the Assistant Principal
Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,
Once again, it is that time of year when we update the
parents of our students on their child’s
progress, and we regret to inform you that your son,
Georgie, IS DOING FAR BETTER then we’d hoped and
expected when he embarked on his four-year program at
As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class
president at the start of the school year, despite the
fact that the majority of his fellow students
in some of the more populated classroomsÂ
Â did not vote for him.
But of course this is inline with our school constitution that helps ensure that bigger classrooms cannot BULLY the smaller classrooms and thereby negate their ability to have a voice in our democratically elected Republican form of government.Â
Â We foresaw problems immediately, but
were assured by several school board members (who, as
we understand it, are friends of your family) that
this would not result in any real difficulty.
Fortunately, WE have been proven wrong.
In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our
best efforts, Georgie is still reading and speaking at
a grade level far below our usual standards. At this
Â Which is very surprising to us because anytime that he debates another student that we feel should easily beat him he ends up winning!Â
point, we are not sure if this failure on our parts is
Â due to laziness or a lack of ability to apply a balance in our understanding.
His oral presentations to the class are particularly
troubling; WHENEVER WE THINK THAT it is apparent that Georgie has not read
the necessary materials, OR WE THINK THAT he often simply
fabricates facts to hide this shortcoming. In oral
exams, he tends to repeat the same answers over and
over, e.g. “The economy is good; jobs are on their
way,” indicating THAT WE HAVE a profound failure to keep up with
Â the Current Events portion of the curriculum.
Because we did not believe him when he said that tax cuts would stimulate the economy and create jobs that started to dissappear before he took office and were severly impacted when bullies from another school killed and beat up students in some of our classrooms. We are sure glad that he did not listen to us since almost all the lost jobs have been restablished and we are well on our way to surpassing even our previous levels of full employment.Â
WE ALSO THOUGHT Georgie tended to fabricate elaborate stories
about himself – which, admittedly, can sometimes be
Â very amusing. During a school celebration last May,
he delighted his fellow students by coming to class in
Â a little “flight suit” (just like the grown-ups
wear!), and had everyone in stitches with his story
about the family dog having eaten his report card from
Imagine our surprise when numerous school reporters tried to write a story about this and discovered that we were wrong.Â The documentation did exists and other students that were there with him confirmed he was there.Â
On the whole, however, Georgie does not play wel with
other children. His “leadership” in the classroom
continues to divide many students, one against the
other. Other study groups, such as our French and
German-language classes, are no longer willing to
cooperate with Georgie’s group, even though they have
traditionally done so in the past.
Of course in fairness I have to disclose that both the German and French classes sold our playbook and have been pals with our cross town football rivals.Â
Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility
for his failings, and seems unable to
appreciate the consequences of his actions. Although
he was provided with the best textbooks on the
subjects of the Economy, Job Creation, The
Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged or
completely destroyed within a matter of months.
Georgie insists that he “inherited” these books in
poor condition, despite all evidence to the contrary.
(In fact, these same textbooks were previously used
by one of our very best students, who actually
returned them in better condition than he found them!)
(That paragraph is so full of crap and rewriting history that I don’t even know where to start.)
1. Economy (“job creation” etc…) started to tank (check the stock market) with federal lawsuit against Microsoft and the burst of the Dot-Com bubble
2. Not even Clinton could sign that Kyoto treaty or even submitted it to Congress to try and have it approved.
But we are glad that he is using the textbooks created by the leader (Reagan) that 7 out of 10 of his classmates (in a poll out this week) found to be much better than the previous office holders.Â Since he has followed that model the economy has turned around and jobs are being created here in our school at a record pace.Â
During his firs t few weeks with us, Georgie quickly
became part of a group of other “problem students.”
Despite warnings, he has consistently befriended
children whom we consider to be “bad elements,” such
as Little Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student
named Chalabi. Both of these youngsters have been
expelled from other schools due to their involvement
in cheating other students out of their lunch money.
We feel that these kinds of relationships can only
lead to no good, and hope that you will advise your
While Kenny has been a problem child who is being disciplined by Georgie’s administration for problems that Kenny caused during the SAINTED previous administration we were all surprised since our school newspaper (the New York Times) was such a supporter of Chalabi.Â I guess we and Georgie shouldn’t trust what we read in that rag.Â
Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in the
schoolyard, and recently assaulted a student in
another school district, completely unprovoked. When
asked about this incident, Georgie insisted that the
other child was armed and dangerous. When
investigation into the matter proved otherwise,
Georgie changed his story several times: he was just
trying “democratize” the other child, the other
child’s school was harboring gang members, and so
on. Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so
changed from week to week, we simply can’t trust his
word at all anymore.
Even through your SAINTED former class leader agrees entirely with the assault on this other school.Â Of course as more information comes out like it did yesterday that that this other school was actually involved with the school that did attack us.Â
Georgie’s friends, while not great in number, are
very loyal, but tend to be over-protective. If any
of the other students point out Georgie’s failing
grades, these friends simply shout them down and tell
them not to speak at all. When Georgie was summoned to
the principal’s office several weeks ago, he insisted
that his “best friend” come with him. We feel that it
is in Georgie’s best interest to learn to stand up for
himself; failure to do so could seriously damage his
ability to handle a leadership role in his adult
(What?Â Even your SAINTED leader visited the “principle’s office” in the company of two of his advisors – who are both now advising Kerry.)Â
As you are aware, final exams will be held in
November, and Georgie’s past performance leads us to
conclude that he will not be able to achieve the
grades necessary to continue on with another
four-year term at our institution.
But as always we will have underestimated him and he will beat our french-looking candidate with a much bigger than expected margin. You read it here first.